Chapter 3: I Want You To Want Me

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.

~I Want You To Want Me- Cheap Trick~




~Edward~



As the car crept down the nearly deserted street approaching my building, I noticed a light that I had apparently left on in the stairwell, casting an eerie glow from my bedroom window on the third floor of my flat. It shone like a beacon in the night guiding us home. Focusing on the light, I reflected over the last couple of days and how they had led me to the beautiful woman sitting next to me. It was a little unsettling to consider how much my perspective about women had changed so completely in such a short amount of time, and I couldn’t help but be a little dubious of the situation. I knew, without a doubt, that I wanted to explore a relationship with Bella but it was hard to shake the sense of foreboding that lingered in the back of my mind and I knew I would not be able to rid myself entirely of this anxiety until I came clean to her about my past. That was certainly not a conversation I was looking forward to.



Before I met Bella, I led a very selfish, callous and reckless existence. I used women purely for my own entertainment while completely disregarding their person. I would have never entertained the notion of getting to know the individual behind any of the bodies I used solely for my own gratification. Most of the time, I didn’t even take into consideration how degrading the entire situation was. I figured it was their choice to be that careless themselves, so I wasn’t about to worry about it…they were grown women after all. It was typical behavior for me, at the time, to arrive at the specified location, turn the faceless woman away from me, slap on a condom move her panties to the side, get in, get mine, and then I was out the door, most of the time leaving a confused, mostly dressed sorely disappointed woman gaping after me. Now, I’m pretty fucking sure that I have never left a woman unsatisfied physically, but I’m positive that I left them wanting more than a quick fuck against a dirty sink.



Jared was my go to guy for these encounters. I would let him know before a show that I was looking for a release, he would pick a random groupie he thought was hot or whatever, tell her where to wait, usually in some dark, nasty storage room or closet (I certainly didn’t want to see the bitch allowing me to fuck her like a whore) and then I would slip in get my release and get the fuck out of dodge. It didn’t happen as often as one might assume though, considering my profession and the vast amounts of pussy being constantly thrown at me. The beginning of my career, however, was another story. In those early days, I got my dick wet at every show in every city. I fucking loved being on tour.



About three years into our newfound fame however, that lifestyle became too hard for me to manage. All these girls would swarm me everywhere I went wanting to know if I remembered them, wanting confirmation if they were a good fuck, and worst of all wanting a repeat performance. It all became to be too much to handle considering that; I would never recognize a past conquest having rarely seen any of their faces. As a result of the subsequent chaos, I decided that I needed to dramatically decrease the frequency of my “encounters” not only because I started to fear my ambiguity was in jeopardy, but also because I started to fear for my health. I mean, lets face it, these were not exactly upstanding citizens I was fucking around with, and the last thing I wanted was for my dick to rot and fall off or some shit. It went from one at every show gradually declining to about one every few months. I even went through a phase of paranoia where I had myself screened for STDs compulsively for like eighteen months. As of late, I have been stretching the time even more, the last time I got laid was over six months ago.



Although I had changed the frequency of my trysts drastically, I still did not give a second thought about how disrespectfully I was treating those women. To me, my behavior was justified. I believed that any woman who was so willing and eager to act like a whore should be treated as such. That is all they were to me…whores…until I met Bella.



Bella



I sighed glancing over at her with her head reclined against the headrest; eyes closed breathing deep and even. I would have sworn she was asleep if it wasn’t for the feel of her soft hand sliding against mine as she tangled and untangled our fingers repeatedly with a soft smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. She looked like an angel.



“What are you thinking about?” I asked wishing more than anything I could read her mind.



“You” she opened her eyes slowly, continuing, “I like how it feels to just be with you, without all the mindless chatter. It feels natural…safe.”



I leaned in placing a soft chaste kiss on her lips because I didn’t know what to say to that. I hoped she still felt that way after we had the upcoming conversation I was dreading. With the way I had previously treated women, not even mentioning the way I viewed them, she was sure to run for the hills screaming the whole way. I wouldn’t blame her; I was a monster after all. A selfish, self-serving monster. She would be so much better off without me. I don’t want her to be better off without me, though, selfish bastard that I am. I want her with me. I could be good….I would be good…for her. Only for her. If she will have me. Fuck! Please let her want me.



I paid the driver and led Bella up to my door. I won’t even try to deny that I was a nervous wreck, sweaty palms and all. I was not nervous because I was wavering in my decision to bring her to my home, I was nervous because it was a huge fucking milestone for me. It was the first time I was making myself vulnerable to a person outside of my family and my band and it could all be for nothing if she decides she can’t handle my past transgressions.



With a deep, calming breath, I unlocked the door and ushered her into the reception room, flicking on the light. Placing my hand on the small of her back, I led her to the great room suggesting she take a seat and offering her a drink. Not only did I know I would need the liquid courage in order to get past the impending conversation, but I was also aware that we needed to get it out in the open in order to move forward with a relationship. There was no way I was going to fuck this up by keeping secrets that were certain to come out anyway. It would be a futile effort to hide my history of indiscretions once the pictures of Bella and I went public. I wanted to give her the courtesy of hearing it all directly from me and afford her the ability to make her decision about whether or not she wanted to pursue a relationship with me privately before the shit hit the fan tomorrow.



I handed her a glass of scotch and took my place next to her on the sofa. I threw back the dark gold drink relishing the way it burned like fire down my throat before pouring myself another. I set the bottle down on the coffee table and turned to face a very concerned looking Bella.



“We need to talk” I lamented, steeling my resolve to get through this difficult task.



She looked up at me with wide fearful eyes and I immediately regretted my opening line. I fucking suck at this relationship bullshit. Running my hand through my hair and clicking the ball of my tongue-ring against the steel in my lip I backpeddled, “What I meant to say, is that I have some things I need to tell you before this can go any further”. I said gesturing between our bodies.



She nodded at me to continue, so I did. I told her every vile thing I had done; I told her about the faceless groupies, about my precious “rules”…everything. She was quiet for several long minutes and I started to fear that my earlier concern was correct. She was going to run. She was going to leave me without giving me a chance to prove myself worthy of her affection, not that I deserved one. It would seem fitting to have the one woman in the world I want for more than a meaningless romp and she is about to reject me. Karma is one cold-hearted bitch, I thought to myself. Just as I was about to thank her for giving me the best couple of days of my life and bid her a farewell, she spoke.



“When was the last time?” The ferocity in her eyes startled me.



“Uh, a little over six months ago” I whispered regretfully looking at my hands feeling absolutely disgusted with myself. I stole a quick peek at her as I reached for the pack of cigarettes on the table. “I was tested about six weeks after, then again six weeks ago. You know, just to make sure.” I had never been more embarrassed about my past than I was in this moment, wishing I could take it all back but knowing that it was not possible.



“What about Rosalie?” she asked barely in a whisper, the previous fierceness in her voice all but gone.



“What about her?” I asked, taking a long drag off my cigarette, not completely understanding why she was bringing her up.



“How long ago did you sleep with her?” she pressed as she proceeded to pick at her fingernails. She looked so unsure of herself in that moment that I started to wonder if her confidence earlier in the night was façade.



“Never” I stated vehemently, putting out the cigarette I had been smoking and placing my hands on either side of her face forcing her to meet my gaze, “I have never touched her.” I hoped she could see the sincerity in my eyes. Her eyes were swimming with uncertainty so I rushed to explain further, “She has tried, I won’t lie about that, but I have never even considered taking her up on her offers. In fact, I have outright rejected her more times than I can remember. She followed us around on tour in our early days trying to “snag” me but, as I said before, I was not interested in the least. She ended up with Emmett…poor bastard.”



“She still wants you…”



She sounded so defeated. I needed her to know that there was not now and would never be any competition.



“It will never happen. Not with anyone else, but especially not her.” I tried to keep my voice steady as I continued, “I want you, Bella…” I said pulling her in for a soft lingering kiss “only you.” All of my doubts melted away when she spoke again.



“Edward” she breathed into my mouth “I’m yours…only yours.”



With a strangled groan, I pulled her into my lap, situating her so she was straddling my thighs. I kissed her frantically, pulling her tight against my body, not able to get close enough. I wanted to consume her, all of her.



I kneaded her ass as I ground my dick into her cloth-covered pussy seeking some much-needed friction. She moved her hands into my hair tugging my head back to allow her access to my neck. I could feel the ball of her tongue ring on my skin as it trailed down from my mouth to my neck. She began sucking and licking at my neck and I could not control the sounds that were coming from my mouth. I palmed her breast, pulling at the barbell I could feel beneath the fabric of her top as she ground herself against me. She felt so fucking good. Reaching her hands down between us, she tugged at the hem of my shirt trying to pull it up. I gently nudged her back, so I could help her pull it over my head. She ran her hands down my chest almost reverently, tracing her fingers along my tattoos.



“I love your ink,” she said in a husky voice before plunging her tongue back into my mouth. I moaned at the feel of her soft tongue moving with mine. I pulled her top down to expose her tits and damn they were nice. Full, soft and round with dark pink nipples both adorned with small sapphire blue barbells, the same color as the barbell in her tongue. She may be petite, but she definitely had more than a handful and believe me, I have large hands.



“Fuck…” I breathed, pulling on one of her barbells with my teeth. Running my tongue over the peak, I sucked it into my mouth, meeting each thrust of her hips. Her skin tasted divine and the feel of the cool steel against the heat of her flesh was driving me crazy.



“Ung, Edward…” she mewled. “Yes…harder” her voice was throaty as she panted and moaned while writhing above me. I moved my mouth to her other breast while continuing to twist and pull the barbell with my fingers. She started moaning louder while swiveling her hips faster and harder. The sounds coming from her mouth were so fucking sexy and I loved knowing that it was me making her feel that way. I continued my efforts on her tits sucking and biting while intensifying my movements underneath her. I grabbed her ass, pulling her into my swollen cock while thrusting up hard and fast.



“Come for me, baby” I coaxed into her ear before biting down on her neck. She stiffened before coming apart in my arms calling my name. It was fucking beautiful. I slowed my hips as she came down from her high and eventually she pulled her face away from my neck. Her face was flushed and her hair was completely disheveled, but I don’t think she could have looked any sexier than she did in that moment.



She removed herself from my lap standing between my legs, her eyes boring into mine as she removed her belt and shimmied out of her top. My breath hitched as I caught sight of a cluster of blue and black stars cascading down her side and disappearing into her pants. She lowered herself to her knees, her gaze never faltering from mine. She watched her finger as she traced the bulge in my jeans before popping the buttons of my fly one by one. When my cock finally sprang free, she moaned as her eyes snapped up to mine. I couldn’t resist teasing her with a smug smile and a wink. She licked her full, pink lips as her gaze moved slowly back to my rock-hard dick. She bit her bottom lip as she ran her thumbnail up my frenum ladder then tugged on the dydoe on top. I let out a strangled groan and she responded with a wicked grin. Keeping her eyes locked on mine she wrapped her warm had around the shaft and leaned forward slowly taking the head into her hot, wet mouth. I know I have a big dick, but it was almost comical that combined with how small her hands are she needed both of them to wrap all the way around the girth. She pulled her mouth back and proceeded to run her tongue up the underside of my shaft. The sensation of her tongue ring sliding over my ladder was extraordinary and I could not help but slam my head back into the top of the couch and plunge my hands into her hair. She took me down her throat quickly, sucking hard then pulling back excruciatingly slow, tonguing each of my piercings as she came up only to repeat the action again and again until I was grunting and groaning, practically begging for release like a little fucking girl. She moved one of her hands to my massage my balls while grazing her teeth along the shaft. When I finally opened my eyes and saw her big brown eyes staring back at me with those luscious lips wrapped around me, I fucking lost it. With one final deep plunge, I came hard. Holymotherfuckingchrist it was hands down the best blowjob I had ever fucking received. I could feel the muscles in her throat swallowing around me, prolonging my release,



“Fuuuuck, Bella”.



She licked me clean then released me with a pop crawling back into my lap and threading her fingers together behind my neck. With a lazy smile, I finally opened one eye, only to find her watching me with a smug smile on her face.



“You look awfully proud of yourself” I chuckled still incoherent from her fantastic oral skills.



“Damn fucking right” she giggled flashing me her dimples “I knew that being born without a gag reflex would come in handy someday,” she added with a wink.



I wondered briefly how many other guys were privy to that information, and then quickly pushed the thought out of my head before it could piss me off deciding that I could happily pretend that there was no one before me.



“Thank Christ for that,” I laughed as I pulled her into a heated kiss. I could taste myself on her tongue and surprisingly it did not gross me out. I pulled away, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes, “come to bed with me.” I mumbled against her lips as I stood from the couch wrapping her legs around my waist.



I carried her up the two flights of stairs and into my bedroom, the light from the stairwell allowing just enough visibility to get us safely to the bed. Thank fuck she is tiny. I set her down on top of the comforter admiring the contrast of her pale skin against the black bedding. I crawled up over her on all fours swiping my tongue up her body from her navel to her jaw, then plunging it deep into her mouth. Sitting back on my thighs, I ghosted my hands across her shoulders, over her breasts, tweaking the barbells as I passed them, tracing the stars I had seen earlier, ending their decent over her toned stomach. She was struggling to keep her breathing even as I splayed my hands over her torso noticing how they covered nearly her whole abdomen. I raked my blunt fingernails from the underside of her breasts to the top of her pants, paying close attention to the sounds she was making, then smoothed my palms back up the side of her torso, continuing up the underside of her arms (which were resting above her head) and finally ending in her palms. I threaded our fingers together over her head, leaning down to lavish wet, sucking kisses down her neck, over her throat and across her collarbones. She arched her back as I attached my mouth to one of her nipples tugging at the barbell with my teeth, her deep throaty moan instantly bringing my cock back to life. I continued my decent down her body dipping my tongue into her belly button then grabbed hold of the elastic waistband at top of those ridiculous pants with my teeth and snapping then against her stomach. “Uhng…Edward, please.” she begged, squirming beneath me searching for some kind of friction. I hooked my fingers into the waistband and peeled them off revealing a sexy black lace thong. I quickly pulled it off and tossed it on the floor to join her pants. Running my hands up her smooth, silky legs, I took a moment to admire the perfection that was Bella. “You are so beautiful, so perfect…” I mused as I moved my body to kneel between her legs. Her bare lips were glistening with her arousal causing my mouth to water. I pushed her legs open wide and caught sight of metal. Holyfuckingshit, she‘s pierced! My eyes snapped up to hers getting a glimpse of her sexy smirk, then quickly looking back down her pussy. I ran my thumbs up her soaking wet folds spreading them slightly so I could get a better look and there it was, a sapphire blue vertical hood.



“Fucking Christ, Bella, that is so fucking sexy”, I murmured breathing in her heady scent before running my tongue up her slit feeling the ball in my tongue hit the ball covering her nub. Pulling at it with my teeth, I slid two fingers inside her, twisting and curling them as I worked relentlessly over her bundle of nerves. Bella’s hands flew to my hair pulling me closer.



“Edward…. “she moaned “yes, so close….yes…yes….uhnnngggh” her hips were grinding into my face and her legs were shaking over my shoulders as her back arched up off the bed. I curled my fingers searching for the spongy area rubbing it with a little more pressure as I intensified my sucking and biting on her clit. One final thrust of my hand and she came hard cursing,



“Fuuuck”.



I slowed down my ministrations on her silky flesh until she finally stopped thrashing. I crawled back up laying my body on top of hers kissing her lips lightly, not sure if it would gross her out if I really kissed her. She took me by surprise when she plundered her tongue into my mouth sucking my own before licking my lips then going back for my tongue.



“I can taste myself on you,” she breathed wrapping her long legs around my waist “it’s so fucking hot.” kissing me again, she reached down to push my unbuttoned jeans down over my ass. I kicked them off the rest of the way and proceeded to grind on her as we made out like teenagers, mindful not to let myself slip inside.



She pushed on my shoulders signaling for me to flip onto my back as she flung her leg over my hips so that she ended up straddling my thighs. She wrapped both hands around my length lacing her fingers together pulling me flush with her wet pussy. She started gyrating her hips slowly moving her hands in time with her thrusts. She would gradually speed up bringing me to the edge of release then slow down slightly pulling me back from the precipice. My hands were planted firmly on her ass and when I finally had enough of her teasing, I took over the pace of her thrusts speeding up slightly while she started running her thumbs over my leaking head.



Moaning and groaning I lost myself in the sensation of her wet heat and tiny hands sliding all over my dick. Her sexy voice encouraged me along the way, “Come for me, I want to see you…” as she grasped me tighter “Show me what I do to you, Edward, I need to see it. I need to see that it‘s only for me.”



“Fuck, Bella….fuck, fuck, fuck. Uhnng…I’m gonna fucking come…I’m gonna…. uh..uh…… unhnnng“ I closed my eyes as I came in hot spurts all over her hands and my stomach, “fuck yeah”. I groaned out completely spent.



One thing is for fucking certain, Bella has magical hands. That hand job was better than most penetrative sex I have experienced, and that’s a lot of sex. I can’t even imagine what it will feel like to get inside of her. If I am being completely honest, though, I am a little concerned because she was squeezing the shit out of my two fingers, I don’t really know how I am going to get the monster I call my dick in there. It’s gonna be tight as fuck. Shit, I’m getting hard again just thinking about it. I know we are not quite ready for that yet. I want to be absolutely certain she is not going to run out on me before we consummate our relationship. I can’t believe that I am not only willing, but also wanting to wait a bit…a very little bit, like not tonight, but hopefully soon. Fuck, I hope she doesn’t make me wait long. Now that I have had a taste of her, I don’t think my dick can handle the torture. I am a little nervous, though, having never had sex with someone I cared about; I hope I am able to please her when the time comes.



I jumped a little as I felt something warm and wet on my stomach and I opened my eyes to find Bella cleaning me off with a damp washcloth. She smiled up at me then disappeared back into the en suite bathroom. I was both shocked and touched by sweetness of her gesture. Although it amazed me, it confused me a little how she can be a total vixen one minute and sweet and caring the next. I decided it felt nice to be taken care of and I’m determined to return the favor in the future.



When she reappeared in the doorway, I motioned for her to join me in the bed. She settled herself into my side laying her head on my shoulder with her legs entwined with mine. She was drawing aimless patterns on my stomach as I pulled the blankets up around us. It felt strange to have someone in my bed, but I could’t deny that I liked the way she felt wrapped up in my arms. I placed a gentle kiss on her temple and tried not to think too much about it. I felt her breath first, then her lips on my neck before she whispered,



“Goodnight, Edward”



“Night, baby”



Despite how happy I was at that moment, the last thing I thought about before sleep claimed me was, what the fuck am I doing?