You in the moonlight
With your sleepy eyes
Could you ever love a man like me
And you were right
When I walked into your house
I knew I'd never want to leave
Lovers forever...face to face
My city or mountains
Stay with me stay
I need you to love me
I need you today
Give to me your leather
Take from me...my lace
~Leather and Lace: Stevie Nicks and Don Henley~
~Edward~
We exit the elevator on our floor while laughing at some stupid bullshit Emmett has spouted off about me ‘losing it’ on Gianna’s crazy ass. We had gone to the recording studio to lay down the new track I’ve been working on, when she showed up unannounced. She was dressed down from this morning in a thin tank top and barely there shorts, strutting around like a cat in heat. She thinks she can wiggle her way into my lust-filled subconscious if she dresses like Bella and tries to be as comfortable in her natural skin as my girl. I swear she walked past me at least ten times, purposely dropping things so she’d have an excuse to bend over, glancing back at me, trying to look all coy and shit. It was disgusting and really quite pathetic, and I certainly did not spare her feelings when I said as much, which only served to piss her off, adding to her determination.
“Wow, boys. That song is beautiful,” she cooed, leaning over to place her hand on my shoulder as if to listen more closely. “Let me guess, Alice? You were always the softie in this group, Jasper,” she added, batting her eyelashes.
Shrugging her hand off roughly and turning to glare at her, I cut in, “It’s about Bella, and don’t fucking touch me.” I stood up abruptly to get a bottled water from the fridge.
“Bella?” she said her name full of disdain. “How could this gorgeous, heartfelt song possibly be about someone you’ve known for like five minutes?” She continued, slinking over to me, “Besides, she’s a child…we both know she could never handle a man like you. I‘ve waited so long for you to be ready to settle down, Edward. I was so patient, just waiting for my chance. I knew eventually you would need more from a woman than a quick fuck. But, Edward, this opportunity belongs to me…I‘m the one who‘s waited around for five years, not her. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
She reached out to touch me again, making my trademark temper flare, “Jesus fucking Christ, Gianna. What is it going to take for you to get it through your fucking head that I’m not interested in you and I never have been? I’m not in the least bit attracted to your nasty, fake body, and I would rather eat dick than be forced to endure any amount of time with your vapid personality. So for the last goddamn time, leave me the fuck alone,” I spat while towering over her with unrestrained fury flaming in my eyes. She gaped at me with her bottom lip trembling as tears streamed down her face. Holy fuck. Would these bitches ever get a fucking clue? I am completely confused by her rant. I mean, I’ve never given her even the slightest inclination that I was interested in her.
The last thing she said before she stormed out the door was, “You will regret this, Edward Cullen.”
Shaking my head to pull me back to the present, I make my way to Jasper’s suite to collect my girl. I only got a glimpse of what she is planning to wear tonight, but let me tell, you it is definitely enough to intrigue me. I saw black leather, lace and some sexy red stilettos I am dying to have wrapped around my waist. That image alone is enough to make me chuckle at the surprise I have in the bag I’m carrying.
Last night while we lay in bed, Bella had brought up the idea of us starting a collection of home movies, so we could watch ourselves make love. She said she wants to see, from my point of view, what it looks like when I fuck her; what it looks like when I push myself inside her. And, of course, being the kinky bastard that I am, I went out today to find us a pocket size personal video recorder. I got us the best one available which, according to the salesman, can record up to four hours, uninterrupted, and comes with- get this- a miniature table tripod. Fuck, that makes me hard. I hope to Jesus in fucking heaven that she wasn’t messing around with me. I don’t think so, though.
I told you before…my girl is a freak.
As we enter the suite, my eyes catch sight of Bella standing by the wet-bar. She is wearing a strapless leather corset, a very short lacy skirt, those sexy as fuck red heels and fuck…her big, pouty lips are painted in the same deep crimson. I can see how all the red accents of her outfit play off of her tattoo beautifully. Walking over to her, I notice she has a nice diamond cuff on the opposite side of her love bracelet and diamond hoop earrings. She looks so damn beautiful. I lean in to place a wet, sucky kiss on the side of her neck, not wanting to mess up that mouth, as I slide my hand under her fluffy skirt and grab a handful of her bare, juicy ass. She is definitely not bending over without me behind her tonight. I would like to say that it would be to keep all the other fuckers from being able to see what’s mine, but fuck, I want to see it, too.
I groan as I pull away enough to whisper in her ear, “You look absolutely stunning and you smell so fucking good, baby. I wanna eat you up.” I make sure to accentuate my innuendo with a quick, sharp bite right below her ear that makes her gasp as she grabs on to my biceps, pulling me closer and moaning when I rub my hardened dick against her.
“Edward, God, your mouth…” she trails off, panting.
We hear a throat clear behind us and Gianna’s voice is cold and completely void of emotion as she cuts in, “The car is waiting downstairs.” She narrows her eyes at Bella before turning on her heel and fleeing from the room.
There is paparazzi everywhere as we exit the hotel and climb into the waiting limo, and of course as amazing as Bella is, she smiles pleasantly for the cameras while clutching my hand. The death grip she has on me is the only indication that she is uncomfortable.
The red carpet is pretty fucking tame, we only stop for three interviews and they all ask pretty much the same questions from last night, with the additional questioning regarding the song we’re nominated for and how the tour is going, along with a little light teasing about my costume the night before. Once we are through the line, the show goes quickly. We don’t win, but I’m not upset about it because the song we were nominated for is a song Emmett wrote for his bitch of a wife that ended up being used for a movie. It isn’t until the after party that things get interesting.
As we arrive at Teddy’s bar, where the party was being hosted, we immediately run into the singer from one of the new popular bubble gum boy bands. He appeared in one of those cheesy high school musical type movies and has little girls swooning all over the place, making him think he is God‘s gift. I only know him because we played on the same team for a charity baseball game a few months ago.
He‘s all smiles and charm as he slaps me on the back, eyeing Bella like she’s lunch. “Cullen! How‘s it going man? Who‘s this foxy young thing you‘ve got on your arm tonight?” He wiggles his eyebrows ridiculously with his last question. God, he‘s fucking annoying. “Newton,” I address him a bit sharply, completely pissed that he had the audacity to put his grubby hand on me. “This is my girl, Bella.” I can feel Bella tighten the hold she has around my waist as he leers at her. I turn my face down to her and explain who this moron is, “Baby, this is Mike. I played in a baseball charity event with him.” She raises one questioning eyebrow at me before turning to Mike holding out her hand, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mike.” He answers, laying the charm on thick, the smarmy bastard, “The pleasure is all mine, sexy lady.” She nods politely at him, effectively ending their exchange as she reaches up grabbing at my jacket and pulling me down for a kiss. When she pulls away, she whispers in my ear, “Is this guy for real?” making me laugh before planting another kiss on her smirking mouth.
We make our way to our reserved table to join the rest of the band, stopping occasionally to rub elbows with some high profile music executives. As we settle in, Peter makes his way over to gather me and the boys to go meet Aro Dubai, the producer we’ve been trying to get to work on the album we are currently recording. With a quick kiss to Bella’s temple, I set off to follow Peter with the guys. We have been trying to get Aro to work with us for years. He is incredibly talented and has worked with many esteemed artists. We have always produced our own records in the past with fantastic results, but it would be a wonderful opportunity to work with such talent at least once in our music career.
When we approach, Aro is standing with his two associates, Caius and Marcus, along with his wife Dydreme, who is looking me up and down like a piece of meat, which makes me really fucking uncomfortable.
“Edward, it’s a pleasure to see you again!” he boasts, as he reaches for my hand. “And tell me, who is the vixen you showed up with on your arm?” he adds, as he pulls me in for an awkward one armed hug-pat thing that all guys do and none of us understand it, but do it anyway. I stiffen at his implication and answer in a tone much sharper than I intend, “My girlfriend.”
“Edward Cullen has a girlfriend? Oh, my word! Just what has the world come to?” His joking is only serving to grate on my nerves, considering he has yet to take his eyes off my gorgeous girl. “I can definitely see the appeal, the young ones are definitely the feisty ones, if you know what I mean,” he adds with a wink, while licking his lips. Fucking asshole.
I take a deep breath, trying desperately to reign in my temper. I certainly do not want to be the one to fuck up this opportunity with my possessive bullshit. Instead, I answer him with a cocky smirk, “Yeah, she’s something else…I’m a lucky bastard.”
The rest of the impromptu meeting goes well, and Aro makes tentative plans to come out while we are in Spain to lay down a couple of tracks, since we have a seven day break during that time.
As I make my way back over to our table, I notice Demetri Markov is occupying my seat. He is, of course, flirting shamelessly with the three women and Rosalie, being the tramp that she is, is eating it up. I also notice that Alice is sitting quietly as Bella looks at Rosalie’s behavior with disgust.
Demetri is the singer for “The Guard”, another rock band that has been relatively popular for the last five years or so. He has deemed himself my rival of sorts, the reason unbeknownst to me, as I don’t have the time or patience for that petty, juvenile bullshit. Because of this imaginary rivalry, I’m not surprised when he turns his attention solely on Bella. It irks me to no end how Rosalie is watching the interaction with rabid interest hoping, I’m sure, for any incident she can spin in an unflattering light to make Bella look bad.
I watch, amused, as Demetri gets flustered, trying to gain Bella’s attention and failing miserably. I chuckle as she repeatedly shoots down his blatant advances by stating that she’s unavailable, she’s uninterested, and finally that she is with me. I can see her irritation growing with his persistence and it finally reaches a head when he reaches out to trace the flowers on her arm.
“Don’t you know it’s rude to touch a lady without an invitation to do so?” she snaps at him, anger flashing in her eyes as she shrugs his hand off of her shoulder.
“That outfit you’re wearing is all the invitation I need, sugar. Besides…you say your with Cullen? Well, I hate to break it to you, but he doesn’t do relationships and he certainly won’t mind sharing. I wouldn’t get myself too invested if I were you. Come on, sexy, let me show you what a real man can do.”
Her words as I approach the table make me smile, “My relationship with Edward is none of your concern, and believe me,” she scoffs with a wicked glint in her eye, “he’s all the man I need, and then some, so why don’t you just run along and find someone else to leer at.”
“Am I now?” I tease, as I wrap my hand around the back of her neck, standing behind her chair. It still amazes me how small she is compared to me. My hand can wrap almost completely around her neck, and if I tried, I could get my fingers to touch.
She tilts her face up to me as I lean down to kiss her mouth. The Neanderthal in me can’t resist making a show of my tongue as it invades her mouth, and to my surprise, she does the same thing. I know, I know, I’m a possessive asshole, but I am comforted by the face that she accepts it, likes it even. She reaches up to fist her hand in my hair as she sucks my tongue into her mouth, scraping her teeth along the wet flesh. I open my eyes, locking them on Demetri’s as she pulls back and bites my bottom lip. I can feel her smile against my lips.
That’s right, motherfucker, she’s mine.
Bella stands so I can take her seat, then settles herself in my lap while wrapping her arms around my neck. She immediately attaches her mouth to my throat while weaving her tiny fingers into my already messy mohawk as I continue to stare Demetri down. I’m snaking my hand under her skirt, on the outside of her thigh, as she burrows her face into my neck, when I finally decide to acknowledge him with words.
“Don’t even think you are going to touch my girl, again, without me breaking your fucking face, Demetri. I’m not fucking kidding.” Bella shoots a glare at him over her shoulder before going back to work on my neck, while she pushes my hand further up her skirt.
I love possessive Bella.
Despite the irritation I feel at Demetri’s intrusion, I manage to have a good time the rest of the night, drinking and dancing with my girl. Bella is sexy as fuck and damn, can she dance. She has me so worked up, the way she’s swaying her hips to the rhythm of the music and grinding on me, that I worry that I might go fucking insane with lust.
Or just jizz in my pants
Around two o’clock, we finally climb into the limo completely wasted, and let me tell you, Bella is a funny drunk. She’s spouting off all this shit in Italian, basically saying that when she finds out who ruined her dress, she is going to put out a hit on them with her mobster uncle, all while shaking her fist in the air with her eyebrows furrowed, calling out ‘capiche’ and claiming that having connections to the Mafioso are the perks of being Italian- well, that along with being a fantastic lover. Then she goes on about how she’s a lover not a fighter, while attempting to shove her tongue down my throat, but since she is completely shitfaced, she misses the mark by about three inches, effectively licking my nose, then complains to me about moving my face. It’s fucking hilarious.
By the time we reach the hotel, Bella is passed out cold and drooling against my chest. Lifting her out of the limo, trying not to jostle her, I stumble up the front steps and only trip twice. I breathe a sigh of relief when I finally make it to our room and unceremoniously toss her on the bed, falling in beside her.
I’m just nodding off when I feel her squirming around and huffing, cursing softly, as she pulls roughly at her top. “Get this fuckin’ thin offa me…” she slurs out, dropping her hands to the bed as she looks at me in frustration. Her face is all flushed and there is a crease in her forehead from her petulant expression. She looks so cute that I can’t help the chuckle that escapes my lips.
“Stof laffin’ at me an help me getta off…I can’t breathe,” she adds, as she rolls over shoving me in the chest and sticking her lip out in an exaggerated pout.
I instantly react, leaning in to suck her lip into my mouth as I reach behind her to untie the strings of her corset. Pulling the slacked fabric away, I attach my mouth to her hardened nipple. As I lick and suck away, I look up to see her reaction only to find a snoring Bella, passed out cold. I laugh as I pull the corset away from her body, along with the skirt she is wearing, and toss them gingerly on a nearby chair. I stand to discard my own clothes before climbing under the covers and pulling Bella so that her back is flush with my chest. I can’t help the smile on my lips as I let sleep claim me, thinking of the ridiculous woman in my arms.
I wake the next morning to the sound of retching coming from the bathroom. I try fruitlessly to ignore the stabbing pain in my head as I drop to my knees while pulling Bella’s tangled hair away from her face as she empties her stomach. She tries unsuccessfully to push me away, but there is no way I’m leaving her in here to get sick alone.
“Go away,” she moans, as she rests her forehead on the edge of the toilet. “Uuuggghh…I think I’m dying,” she manages to choke out before another round of heaves hit, the sight of it making my stomach lurch. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I try to calm myself as I continue to hold her hair and rub her back. “I’m sorry, baby, I shouldn’t have let you drink so much,” I say to her in the best soothing a voice I can muster. I feel really fucking bad that she is so sick, like somehow I’m responsible.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Edward, I‘m an adult and I make my own decisions.” she admonishes, as she turns her head to look at me. “I don’t want you to see me like this…” she trails off as she closes her eyes. I reach out to wipe the sweat that has formed over her eyebrow, as I try to reassure her, “You’re always beautiful to me, Bella, even when you’re puking your fucking guts out.” I laugh as she takes a weak swat at me muttering, “asshole” under her breath.
When Bella emerges from the bathroom thirty minutes later, she is freshly showered and looks a little better. I ordered some toast and coffee for her to help settle her stomach and set out some Tylenol to help her headache. She smiles as she sees her breakfast sitting at the table, eyeing the pills sitting next to her cup. I start to panic when tears form in her eyes, but relax when she throws her arms around my neck as she leans down to whisper in my ear, “Thank you.” I just grin in response and go back to my own breakfast.
Just as I am finishing off my eggs, my phone rings, I look at the caller ID and roll my eyes as I answer, knowing immediately why she is calling.
“Hi, Ma,” I say, as I make my way outside to the balcony. This is not a conversation I want to have in front of Bella.
“Edward! Sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me you were seeing someone? I just saw an interview with the two of you on the red carpet for that awards show you attended last night.” Her voice is so giddy that I can’t help but smile myself.
“I dunno, Ma. It’s new.” I knew she would make a big deal about this, and the interrogation makes me a little uncomfortable.
“Oh, Edward, honey, she’s absolutely beautiful! You can tell how smitten you are with each other…it just radiates off of you both. Her comment about you being ‘everything to her’ nearly brought tears to my eyes. She looks at you with such adoration, and not in a fan girl sort of way if you know what I mean. She’s the one isn’t she Edward…Oh! My baby has finally found his soul mate!”
“Ma…” I try to cut off her tangent as I yank at my hair and look back over my shoulder to see if Bella is still oblivious to this conversation.
“Oh Carlisle, darling, Edward has got himself a girlfriend…come talk to him,” she shouts out, completely ignoring me.
“Hello?” My fathers gruff voice sounds through the receiver.
“Hey, dad.” I’m still chuckling from my mom’s earlier rambling.
“Mom says you’ve got yourself a woman?” he questions, cautiously. I can hear the genuine surprise in his voice.
“Uh, yeah…” I offer awkwardly, rubbing my hand on the back of my neck before pulling it through my hair.
He clears his throat before continuing, “We were planning on attending your show in Barcelona, Mom is dying to meet her…”
I am torn.
On one hand, I’m ecstatic that my parents want to meet her, but on the other hand, I’m nervous that it will be too much, too soon. I glance over to where Bella is still working on her toast before answering. “I don’t know, dad, it’s really new, and I don’t want to scare her off, ya know? She’s already been thrown into this crazy ass situation headfirst, I’m afraid to overwhelm her any more.”
He’s quiet for a few moments, the silence causing my mind to run rapid with scenarios that result in her freaking out on me, and just when I’m about to suggest they hold off for a bit, he tells me that they will definitely be in Barcelona and that my mom will try her best not to overwhelm her.
Shit.
To be honest, I’m concerned about how they will react to her age, so I figure it’s best to get that shit out there beforehand to give them time to calm down about it before they meet her, “ So, uh, I just wanted to let you know beforehand that she’s, well, she’s young…twenty…I, uh, I just didn’t want you to be surprised when you see her, and upset her with your reaction, because she…well, she looks a whole lot fucking younger in person, without all the makeup, ya know…?”
Holy fuck
I’m rambling on like a moron, completely worried about their reaction, and my asshole father bursts out laughing. Fucker.
“We know, Edward. Do you honestly think your mother hasn’t done her research? That’s all she’s done since ten o’clock last night,” he says, while trying to control his snickering. “Don’t worry about it, we are very happy for you. And just so you know, Lizzy and Alec are coming as well.”
After ‘goodbye’s’ and ’I love you’s’ are exchanged, I end the call with a sigh of relief. To be perfectly honest, I’m actually looking forward to seeing my family because it’s been over a year since they have come out to a show. Now my only concern is telling Bella. Before I get a chance to dwell on it though, Jasper is banging on the door, letting us know that the car will be here to pick us up in twenty minutes.
The next week flies by with nonstop shows and travel, and before I know it we are pulling up to the estate we’ve rented on the outskirts of Barcelona. A sense of dread washes over me as I take in the huge fucking mansion that boast fourteen bedrooms, knowing that two of them will be filled by Wednesday night with my parents, my sister and my brother-in-law, and I have yet to tell Bella. I can’t say for sure what is holding me back other than my fear that she is going to freak the fuck out on me. And to be honest, I don’t even know why I feel like she will freak out. Maybe it’s really me freaking out. Am I ready for her to meet my family?
Looking over at her, I know that I am. I guess I’m just worried that I’m more invested in this relationship than she is. She has reassured me countless times that she is in as deep as me, and maybe I just have to trust that she is, but I can’t help but worry. I’ve tried to talk to her twice about what is going to happen after the tour, and both times she’s blown me off, stating that we don’t need to worry about that right now, lets just enjoy the moment we’re in. I guess I agree to an extent, but fuck, I need some kind of plan in place…I don’t think I’m asking too much for her to tell me what she expects after the tour is finished. Does she want me to follow her to Seattle? Is she planning to stay with me in London? Is she gonna dump my pathetic ass and sell her story to the tabloids? Fuck, I need to get a grip…but I also need to get some answers.
Taking a deep breath, I resolve to talk to her again tonight, and I vow to not let her blow me off.
I reach over and brush her bangs off of her forehead, causing her to stir, and lean into my touch. I lean in to brush my lips across hers as I whisper sweet words in an attempt to wake her up. When she finally opens those beautiful brown eyes, all of my doubt melts away and I allow myself to drown in their depths for a moment, basking in adoration I see swimming in them, before I inform her that we have arrived and instruct her to go and claim us a bedroom while I unload our bags.
When I find her on the balcony of one of the third floor bedrooms, my breath hitches in my throat. She is beautiful. The breeze is softly ruffling her hair and the white sundress she is wearing is flowing behind her as she stands with her hands on the railing and her face tilted up toward the heavens. I lean against the doorjamb with my arms crossed over my chest just watching her soak up the sun’s rays. I can see her chest rise and fall with every breath she takes and suddenly her lips quirk into a small serene smile.
“I know you’re there,” she says softly. “I can feel it, its like a buzzing sensation that radiates through me,” she explains, as she slowly opens her eyes and looks over her shoulder at me. I approach her quietly, wrapping my arms around her waist. When she leans back resting her head on my chest, I lay my head against the top of hers and close my eyes, just savoring the closeness I feel to her while concentrating on matching my breathing to hers.
“I love you.”
She says it so quietly that I’m no sure she meant for me to hear it, so I say nothing. Instead of responding, I pull her closer, pressing my lips to her hair, to her temple, to the side of her neck and finally, I turn her face with my hand so I can kiss her mouth. I try to convey through my kiss that I feel the same way as I caress her skin. When she pulls away, I rest my forehead on hers keeping my eyes closed.
“Make love to me,” she requests, as she tangles her hands into my hair, pulling me with all her strength to her mouth. I know we have a lot to discuss, but I am content to wait until later. There is a desperation in her movements that make me feel like she needs the connection right now more than I need my answers, so I pick her up and urge her to wrap her legs around me as I carry her to the bed and love her with my body.
**~**
I throw the tee shirt I was wearing before over Bella’s head and pull on some jeans and a tee while she puts on some ridiculous skull covered knee socks. I raise my eyebrow, earning an eye roll from her as I grab my acoustic guitar and lead Bella downstairs to the patio out back. I settle myself into one of the lounge chairs, pulling Bella to sit down between my legs. Placing my guitar across her lap, I wordlessly take her left hand and position it on the strings while guiding her right to pluck the chord out. “This is G,” I instruct softly against her ear. Repeating the motion until she gets through all the basic chords, only managing to make me cringe twice.
I watch the sun set, stealing occasional kisses as she continues to practice the chords and enjoying her laugh every time she fucks up. It is a wonderfully intimate experience and I suddenly feel like it is the perfect time to bring up some of the issues we need to discuss.
Deciding to ease into the conversation, I start off easy, “I bet you are excited to see your brother,” I urge, as I brush my lips behind her ear, thinking this is the best way to bring up the impending introduction to my family.
“Yeah, it will be nice to spend some time with him. Although, we usually spend our summers apart.” I remain quiet because it seems like she is about to finally give me a glimpse of the girl she was before she met me. “He always spent the summer with our dad in a tiny town called Forks, Washington, while I usually spent the summer in Le Marche, Italy,” she says, as she glances at me briefly over her shoulder. “My Nonni and Nonno live there. Seth didn’t like being so far away from his friends, he always had a lot of friends. I, on the other hand, loved being so far away from my real life, not that I really had one in Phoenix. I loved that every summer, while in Italy, I could be whoever I wanted to be.” She fiddles with the guitar a little before continuing, “I’m really excited to go to Italy. It’s been over three years since I have seen them.”
I am hoping that she plans to introduce me to her grandparents since it seems like they are a very important part of her life. She remains pensive and I realize that this is the perfect opportunity to bring up my parents.
“Uhm, speaking of visits, my family is coming out Wednesday to see the show this weekend.” She doesn’t say anything and my heart starts racing in anticipation of her reaction. “They are very excited to meet you…” I trail off because I don’t know what else to say.
When she finally speaks her voice is gentle, “You want me to meet your family?” The hope I hear in her voice causes a warm sensation to radiate through my chest.
“Of course, baby. You’d have to meet them eventually, why not now?” I try to reassure her by running my fingers gently through her silky hair, as I continue, “My sister and her husband are flying out as well, so you’ll get to meet them all at once.”
She remains thoughtful for a moment before she nods her head and starts plucking out chords on the guitar, again. As I sit and listen, I decide that I’m going to just tell her that her avoidance of any talk of the future is bothering me. What is the point of having a relationship if we can’t even fucking talk, right?
Steeling my resolve, I clear my throat before diving in, “So, I’m a little concerned that every time I bring up the future, you avoid giving me any answers.” I’m a little surprised by the accusation in my tone, but figure there is no point in trying to hide it.
“I’m not avoiding, Edward, I just don’t know. I mean, I would love nothing more than to drop all of my responsibilities and follow you around, but I can’t. I have one more semester of school left and I really need to finish it.” I sit waiting for her to finish her thought, to ask me to come with her…something…anything. After several minutes of agonizing silence, my heart shatters and I fucking snap.
“Well, fuck, Bella. I didn’t realize that I had asked you to drop all of your responsibilities just to follow me around. Jesus. I hope you don’t feel forced to be here now. You are welcome to leave any time you want to.” I spit, while standing abruptly, knocking the guitar out of her hands. I know I’m overreacting. I know I’m hurting her feelings and should probably let her talk.
I know this. But I’m so hurt.
She turns to look at me with wide, fearful eyes, but it doesn’t stop the words from spilling from my mouth. “I thought you wanted to be with me…I didn’t realize that I was keeping you from your fucking life.” I know that I’m being harsh, but damn, she just threw all the effort I’ve put into this relationship back in my face, and believe me I feel fucking stupid. This whole fucked up conversation makes me feel like I didn’t hear her clearly out on the balcony. Seriously, you can’t fucking tell someone you love them, and then say shit like that. It’s not like I wouldn’t go to Seattle with her while she finishes school, but she won’t even ask me.
I am so pissed off at myself right now because as angry as I am, I want to cry. Like a fucking nancy, I want to curl up and cry. This…this fucking bullshit right here, is exactly why I never get involved with women.
Fuck this.
I don’t realize I’ve said this out loud until I hear Bella’s sharp intake of breath. I risk one last look over my shoulder as I flee the house, headed for the first bar I can find.
As I sit in the smoky lounge, nursing a scotch and smoking a cigarette, a tall leggy blonde approaches me offering anything and everything…her words, not mine…but all I can think about is Bella’s tearstained face as I walked away and how bad we’ve fucked this up.
No comments:
Post a Comment