I'm hanging on your words
living on your breath
feeling with your skin
Will I always be here
In your room
Your burning eyes
Cause flames to arise
Will you let the fire die down soon
Or will I always be here
Your favourite passion
Your favourite game
Your favourite mirror
Your favourite slave
~In Your Room-Depeche Mode~
~Bella~
I am sitting in one of the swankiest restaurants I have ever seen with a group of people I hardly know, aside from my brother and Sam that is, about to embark on a European Tour with a man fifteen years older than myself, who I met less than a week ago. We’re in the middle of a massive media storm, and that’s not even the best part of this situation. The best part is that my new man, Edward (arguably the most wanted rockstar in the world), has a fantastically insane group of women that are completely obsessed with him who, of course, hate me and want me out of the picture; like say, on a deserted island with nothing but a butter knife and a lighter.
First there’s Tanya; I really don’t see her as much of a threat, more of an annoyance. Yes, she is beautiful, but she is as dumb as a box of rocks and the blatant advances she has made on him so far have gone over like a lead balloon. She needs a new tactic because the one she is using is ineffective at gaining his attention, and comical at best…not that I want anyone but me to gain his attention, mind you. Next, we have Rosalie. She is a little more dangerous, in my opinion. Now, I know Edward has refused all of her attempts to seduce him, but something tells me that she doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.
And the fact that he wants to keep me around only adds to her ire. reason
It seems as though she’s viewing me as a rival of some sort; which is preposterous on numerous counts, the first being that they have never had a relationship, physical or otherwise. I ’m a little confused as to where the territorial bullshit is coming from. The most obvious rationale ---and most important-- being that she is married…to his band mate, no less! This one really throws me for a loop. Seriously, could someone be that egotistical? I really don’t understand the whole woman scorned angle she is playing at all. I get that her ego may have been bruised a little by his obvious lack of interest in her, but, Jesus fucking Christ.
Get. Over. It!
I think she was ok with it as long as he remained unattached, because there was never anyone to compare herself to, she was convinced he didn’t want her because he didn’t want anyone. I mean, she looks like a fucking Barbie doll and has most men’s tongues wagging, so what more does she want? That’s just it though, she wants Edward and if she can’t have him, she wont let anyone else have him either. The scary part is that I don’t know to what lengths she will go to accomplish that feat. This woman is completely ridiculous.
Finally, we have the publicist; I think her name was Gianna or something like that. The way she reacted to our “media situation” doesn’t sit well with me. I paid very close attention to that call after hearing the defensiveness in his voice when I overheard him. Although I can say with certainty that he is not interested in her romantically, their familiarity irks me a little, but only because it seems like that she is yearning for more than a professional relationship with him. What the fuck is new? I might be slightly overreacting on that one, though. It could just be a sense of possessiveness because she is the only non-related female other than Alice that has any sort of association with him.
This isn’t likely, but it helps me with the crazy.
Therefore, I may be freaking out just a little. It’s not that I am intimidated by these harpies either on a physical or intellectual level. I posses above average intelligence and intellect, I have a creative mind and a bit of a free spirit, and I know I look damn good, albeit in an unconventional, exotic sort of way. It’s the inevitable, petty drama that I am reluctant to deal with.
It is easy to empathize with the gang of crazies, as much as I don’t want to, because this guy is un-fucking-believable. He is very tall, at least a foot taller than me, and well built without looking bulky. He has this reddish hair that is always looks like he just rolled out of bed and the most amazing dark green eyes. He is covered in ink and steel and has the most soulful voice I have ever heard. The best part about him, however, is that he is so different than he appears to be.
He puts off this vibe that clearly portrays ‘Bad Ass…Do not fuck with me’-- and believe me, that’s sexy as hell-- but the man I have come to know and care about is really very gentle, smart and affectionate. I get the impression that not very many people, if any at all, get to see that softer side of him, and I am thrilled that he is sharing it with me. I’ll be with him for months on tour, making me really eager to know more.
“Where are you, baby?” Edward pulls me out of my musings, placing his hand on my thigh.
“Huh?” I ask dumbly.
“I was asking what you wanted to eat…” he trails off then leans in to whisper in my ear, brushing my bangs to the side, “Are you ok?”
“What? Oh, yeah. I’m fine, really.” I smile sweetly at him. “I was just thinking about what I have to pick up while I’m out shopping with Alice tomorrow,” I lie. He looks suspicious but thankfully does not push any further. I decide to talk to Alice about all of my concerns tomorrow; maybe she can help me put it all into perspective and let go of my worries. I don’t want to potentially ruin a good thing with petty jealousy and unfound distrust. With a plan of action, I know I’m better able to focus on the present.
Placing my hand high on Edward’s thigh, I lean in to ask him what is good on the menu. He suggests the Jasmine tea-smoked pork ribs, so that is what I go with when the waiter appears to take our order. A few moments later the waiter returns with a round of sake for everyone and Jasper surprises me by proposing a toast to Edward and me, congratulating us on our new romance, stating he never thought he would see the day that ‘Edward Cullen opens himself up to the possibility of love‘. Edward responds by flipping him off, but the smile on his face is undeniable. After throwing back the sweet liquid, he leans in to place a demanding kiss on my lips, winking as he pulls back, causing me to blush like a schoolgirl when the table erupts into hoots and catcalls, while Edward just smirks like the cocky bastard he is. He sits back in his chair but leaves his elbow propped on the back of mine, with his fingers tangled in my hair. I thoroughly enjoy his possessiveness, it makes me feel desired and sexy and undeniably feminine. I hear feminist that have come before me are rolling in their graves.
The dinner conversation remains neutral and harmless-- Seth and Tanya casually mentioning which shows they are planning to meet up with us for, and Alice talking about each store we just have to visit tomorrow. The evening goes off without incident, mostly due to Rosalie behaving like an good girl, and we all have a good time. I am excited when Edward invites everyone back to his flat to hang out; I really want the chance to get to know the people I will be spending so much time with before we add in the stressful elements of touring and constant travel.
The atmosphere is very relaxed when we get back to the apartment, which makes it easy to open up and be myself. We are all getting along very well and I am finding it much easier to stop obsessing over how young and inexperienced I am in the ways of the world. All too soon, the boys move to the game room to play billiards while we girls decide to stay in the great room and watch a movie. Rosalie and Tanya keep their snide remarks to a minimum and I am able to relax and really enjoy myself. A couple of hours later, the guys finally join us, cuddling up to their respective partners, leaving Tanya at the opposite end of the couch from Edward and me. I just ignore her when she scoots closer to him commenting on how long his hair has gotten. But when she reaches out to touch it, I glare at her, prepared to pounce. Back the fuck up. Before I get the chance to, however, Edward flinches away from her touch hissing, “I have told you a hundred fucking times not to touch me.” She looks hurt and a little frightened as she cowers from his harsh tone. Good…bitch.
“Switch places with me, baby,” he mutters as he slides me across his lap and settles himself to recline against the arm of the couch. I position my body so that I am laying half on top of him as I purposely thread my fingers through his hair and kiss him fiercely, knowing Tanya‘s eyes are on us. He responds eagerly, wrapping one of his hands around the back of my thigh and tangling the other into my hair. His body feels so solid beneath me as his strong arms pull me closer. I can feel his arousal against my thigh, long and thick and hard as fucking steel. I whimper as he pushes his hips up into mine. I’m a lot excited and a little bit terrified, thinking about how that monstrosity is supposed to fit inside my little body. I mean, holy shit, that boy is packing some serious heat. Thank God I don’t have a gag reflex because there is no way I could have fit even half of it in my mouth if I was normal. And the piercings…fuck its like Niagara Falls in my panties just thinking about how they will feel inside me. I am so engrossed in the fantasy of taking his monster cock for a ride that I don’t realize that I am being loud, like really loud and grinding shamelessly all over his junk. I reluctantly pry myself away from him when I hear snickering, only to find Alice laughing, Rosalie and Tanya scowling, and Jasper looking anywhere but at us, biting on his fist; either in humor or disgust, I‘m not sure. We must have really been going at it because Emmett is even looking away. Jeez. I smirk at Emmett, not able to find it in myself to be embarrassed.
“Time for bed”, Edward announces, standing abruptly pulling me to my feet and demanding, “Say goodnight Bella.” His gaze is so intense that it feels like his eyes could bore holes into mine. He is looking at me like a predator stalking his prey, and I am completely overwhelmed with my desire for him. I’m only a little ashamed to admit that I love being caught.
“Goodnight, Bella,” I obey tartly, looking up at him through my lashes.
One side of his mouth curls up into that signature cocky grin as he responds, his voice dripping with sex, “Oh, you wanna be a naughty girl tonight, do you? I already warned you about what happens to naughty girls,” as he flings me over his shoulder, smacking me hard on the ass. I yelp with the shock then burst into a fit of giggles as he dashes for the stairs calling back over his shoulder.
I promise to be naughty more often.
“Jazz, lock up for me please, man.”
The next morning I am woken up by feather light kisses running along my shoulder and neck as the warm sunlight from the window streams over my face.
“Mmmmm, morning,” I mumble through my sleep-thickened voice.
“Mmm hmm…it certainly is, beautiful,” he answers while planting kisses up my neck finally landing one on my mouth.
“What time is Alice coming for you?” he asks sitting up.
“Ten-thirty,” I answer distractedly, noticing that the blanket has slid down to expose his perfectly chiseled chest and abs, covered in beautiful ink. The sunlight shimmering through his hair emphasizes the red and gold in it. He is breathtaking. When he reaches up to scrub his hand through his messy hair, the sun glints off the steel ring in his nipple, causing a wave of desire to pass through me. I crawl over to him on all fours and reach out to tweak the ring while nuzzling his neck. He groans catching my hand before I can accomplish any more exploration.
“Bella,” he grumbles, his voice sounding husky and deep, “Alice is supposed to be here in forty-five minutes, baby. We don’t have time…..” I cannot hear conviction anywhere in his statement, so I continue what I’m doing with my mouth.
He moans pulling me to straddle his lap. I kiss him a few minutes longer then hop up announcing that I need to take a shower, placing one last wet kiss on his grumpy mouth. Moody Edward is hot.
“Fucking cocktease,” he bitches as I shut the bathroom door laughing.
Forty-five minutes later, I descend the stairs ready for a day on the town with my new friend Alice. You can imagine my shock when I enter the kitchen finding not only Alice, but Rosalie as well.
Fucking hell.
Alice must register the discontent on my face because she shrugs as she shoots me an apologetic look. After a semi-quick goodbye kiss and grope from Edward, we are out the door.
Arriving in the upscale shopping district in London just before noon, we decide to go ahead and eat lunch at a nice outdoor café before we get started. I love to shop and have weakness for nice things, especially shoes, so I am very much looking forward to this shopping expedition. I send a silent thank you Grandma Swan for the inheritance that supports my Christian Louboutin shoe fetish. I am nearly bouncing in my seat in anticipation to shop in one of the fashion capitals of the world, while Alice is calmly trying to dissect my current wardrobe and plan out what needs to be added for the summer. When I become impatient, she merely explains to me how shopping is an art form and needs to be respected as such. I sit pouting until she finally has a plan in place. We head off to our first stop, Agent Provocateur, an upscale lingerie boutique to, according to Alice, ‘lay the foundation‘. As we approach the beautiful boutique, she explains that every ensemble must start with the proper undergarments and it doesn‘t hurt, of course, if they are sexy as hell.
After nearly an hour of trying on endless pieces of beautiful lingerie, we are finally deemed equipped with enough sexy shit to take down any man.
For the first time of the day, as we prepare to take our selections to the cash register, the bitch rears her ugly head,
“You’ve taken to this like a duck to water,” Rosalie shoots at me her voice full of disdain.
“Taken to what, exactly,” certainly, she does not believe I have never shopped for underwear before…
“Spending other people’s money,” she spats out venomously, raising her eyebrow accusingly.
“Excuse me? I have no idea what the hell you are talking about,” I insist, raising my eyebrow right back at her. You do not intimidate me, bitch.
“Well, you didn’t even bat an eyelash at the prices of everything you chose, that is, if you even checked the prices of everything you chose. Considering that your new sugar daddy is paying for it all, I thought you might be a little more careful right out of the gate, but we are all different I suppose…I envy you though, it took me quite awhile to be comfortable enough to spend Emmett’s money so flippantly.” She says with a dismissive flick of her wrist.
Oh, no she didn’t…
“First of all, I am not spending anyone’s money but my own and even if I were, it would not be for you to analyze. Second,” I sneer raising my eyebrow at her expectantly. “I know you envy more than just my blasé attitude over spending money,” Her cold blue eyes widen with my accusation as I step in close enough to whisper in her ear, “Tell me Rosalie, is Emmett aware that he is your consolation prize?” I step right past her to the nice woman who had been assisting us, not even bothering to see her reaction.
Rosalie remains quiet through the next several stores we go into, which was fine with me because I can almost pretend that she is not even here.
During the course of the afternoon I have found that not only do I have a lot in common with Alice, but also that I very much enjoy her company. Her bubbly personality is the perfect compliment to mine. She is artistic and intelligent and she has a wicked sense of humor. I have never had so much fun with a female, and I am really glad she will be there with me this summer because I can honestly see us becoming very close friends.
She catches my eye, giving me a wink as we all take our current selections into the shared dressing room we have been placed in. The sales people are very accommodating by trying to insure our privacy. I have just pulled on a sapphire blue bandage dress turning to look in the three-way mirror when the bitch returns.
“Oh my God, Bella! That dress makes your ass look huge,” she goads from the corner, looking all too pleased with herself. She is currently trying on a short black dress that her boobs are literally falling out of.
“That’s because my ass is huge,” I retort, rolling my eyes as I turn to see it in the mirror.
“You have a fantastic ass, Bella,” Alice cuts in with a wink. “Seriously, that’s all Jazz and Emmett have talked about since the concert. And Edward, well, he can’t seem to keep his hands off of it! It’s so funny to see how he acts around you after watching him blatantly ignore or be a condescending asshole to every woman before you. It’s really bizarre and actually kind of sweet.”
Rosalie, of course, does not like where the conversation is headed so she tries a different approach. “So, Bella, who did your boobs?” Then she adds distractedly to Alice making those obnoxious air quotes, “I thought Edward didn’t like enhanced cleavage?” snickering to herself.
“They’re not enhanced, Rosalie, they are one-hundred percent natural. Do you need to cop a feel?” I roll my eyes at her attempt at a backhanded compliment while I fondling them in the mirror.
“You are such a liar,” she huffs adjusting her own in the red number she has changed into. “I don’t know why you are even bothering to lie, it’s not like Emmett won’t tell me. And I know Edward will definitely tell him.”
“Like I said, You’re welcome to examine them,” I say sarcastically. Alice surprises me by bouncing over and taking them in her hands, squeezing lightly in her tiny palms. “Oh, my god Rose! They are sooo real…feel them!” She looks back to me, “You are a lucky bitch.” She follows her last comment with a smirk, a hint of mirth dancing in her eyes.
“There is no way,” Rosalie bellows from the corner. “They are way too big for how small her frame is to be natural, and besides that,” she continues her rant, “they are too perky for their size.”
I smile sweetly at her, “Well, some of us are lucky enough to get the tits, some of us are lucky enough to get the ass, and for rest there is always surgical enhancement. I see you‘ve taken advantage of Emmett‘s money after all,” I taunt, looking pointedly at her obvious “enhancements“, before finishing smugly “I guess I got extra lucky to get both!” Her expression is fucking priceless. She is pissed, all flushed and breathing heavy, and it is funny as hell to watch her try to reign in her temper, knowing she can’t do a damn thing to me. I turn to Alice who is working really hard not to laugh and add with a wink, “By the way Alice, I think you have a great ass, it is cute and perky and just enough for your size.”
“Thanks, I do have a cute one don’t I?” she giggles, wiggling it in the mirror, effectively breaking the tension in the room.
When we finally return to Edward’s apartment, we’re only able to see them for a couple of minutes before they head off to rehearsal. He tells me where to put my luggage after I finish packing, while trying to peek inside the bags I brought in. Letting me know he will be home before eleven, he gives me a quick kiss then heads out the door.
Alice and I go upstairs to start packing my bags and I send a silent thank you to whoever is responsible for making Rosalie decide to go home to finish her own packing. Before she leaves, Alice gives her my outfit for the awards ceremony to send, along with theirs, straight to Gianna in LA so they are not lost or ruined on the road. I have, at Alice’s insistence, decided to go with the sapphire blue bandage dress (yes, the one that makes my ass look huge) and silver shoes, but no jewelry since Alice has informed me that their stylist will have someone bring jewelry for us to chose from when we arrive in LA.
As we sort through my luggage, I finally gather the courage to broach the issues plaguing my mind regarding Edward. I am naturally a little nervous to talk about him to someone else, but I figure that I need a female friend’s perspective and I don’t think Edward would begrudge me that. I know Alice is the right person to talk to, not only because she has known Edward for several years, but also because I feel comfortable with her. I value her opinion, and I trust that she will not feed me a line of shit or sugarcoat things.
The mood in the room has shifted and the tension is starting to become stifling, so I decide to dive in before it can get any more awkward.
“Alice?”
“Yeah?” she looks up from the pile she is sorting through briefly meeting my eyes, letting me know I have her full attention.
“I was hoping that I could use you as a sounding board, you know, about Edward?” I start off cautiously, wanting to gauge her reaction before jumping headlong into my issues.
“Oh, thank God!” she utters, exasperation clear in her voice. “I didn’t think you were ever gonna bring this up. I have been waiting all day, and it was killing me to stay quiet!”
I laugh at her lack of patience, but point out that I hadn’t had the opportunity to get her alone with Rosalie tagging along all day. She rolls her eyes muttering about how Rosalie is rude to everyone and not to let it bother me. I am thankful that she brings up one of my issues for me, one of the easier issues, actually, since I’m not quite ready to discuss my personal feelings yet.
“So, did you have the same problem with Rosalie and Jasper?” I ask, hoping that she will have some magic trick to make Rosalie back off.
“No, she was already with Emmett when I came around, so she never really showed any interest in him…I mean, real interest anyway. She does occasionally flirt with him, but it’s all harmless.”
“What about Tanya?”
“Oh, please,” she rolls her eyes, and then gives me a pointed look, effectively ending talk about Tanya.
Her complete disregard of her makes me giggle, but then she continues, “About Rose though, I’m not quite sure what to make of her attitude with you. I wish I could tell you that she’ll come around and not to worry about it, but I have never seen her act this way, so I can’t. I know she’s carried a torch for Edward for like, ten years or something, but she is acting weirdly jealous. I do know for a fact that nothing has ever happened between them, though… just in case you were wondering.
“I feel kind of sorry for her in a way. I mean, she’s tried everything and he has never given her the time of day. It’s sad. I have told her she should give it up, she has Emmett after all, but it has become like this sick obsession with her. She’ll be depressed for days after a rejection from him, last time she got a nose job.”
“Does Emmett know, you know, that she is still after Edward?” I just can’t understand how he could know and still put up with it.
“Well, yes and no. You would seriously have to be blind not to see that she wants Edward to notice her, but the thing about it is that none of us really know if she just wants to conquer the challenge or if she really wants him. Emmett holds on to the hope that she just wants to hear Edward say yes, but he does not believe she would ever really go through with it.”
“What do you think?” I press.
“I think that Rosalie Hale is not worth worrying your pretty little head about. Believe me, she’s more worried about you and your gigantic ass, than you should ever be about her,” she emphasizes her point with a wink. So kind of like a spider?
Before I even have a chance to respond to her jibe, she delves into the scary stuff.
“Now that the unimportant nonsense is out of the way…How do you feel about dating a man fifteen years older than you?”
My mouth drops open in shock at the casual way she just throws that out there.
“Ummm, well, the age difference doesn’t really bother me, I’m not sure I will be able to say the same for my parents, though…” I trail off not really wanting to say out loud what has been bothering me.
“I see, so then, what does bother you about the situation?” she urges. “Is it his past? His complete lack of romantic skills? Is he too rough around the edges? I know he comes off as a hard ass, but he really is a great guy…loyal to a fault…” she trails off looking at me expectantly.
“I know he is a great guy…and I like it rough.” I laugh with my last remark as she rolls her eyes.
“Well, what is it then?” she really is a demanding little thing. I scowl at her, before laying into my insecurities.
“What if I’m not enough, Alice? What could he possibly want with me beyond my looks? I know I said before that his age does not bother me, but what if my age and lack of experience gets old for him. I’ve only been with two guys and neither experience was good, so how can I possibly be good enough for him? He has so much experience, Alice! He’s going to be so disappointed. Despite all my bravado, he’s only going to see an inexperienced little girl.” I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I continue, “I’m already so attached, it will devastate me if he tosses me aside…”
“Oh, Bella…” Alice wraps her arms around me and lets me cry into her shoulder staining her shirt with my tears. “He is so smitten with you, there is no way you could disappoint him. He’s never been like this before, and believe me he has had plenty of opportunities. You are special to him, Bella. Take a little pride in that. To be honest, I’m shocked that you guys haven’t had sex yet. Like, extremely shocked. That’s gotta tell you something right there, sweetie. He wouldn’t be willing to wait if he didn’t feel the same way.” She leans back wiping the tears from my cheeks, as I mumble, “He hasn’t even tried.”
“Do you want him to?” she asks gently, knowing that once I give myself to him this way there will be no turning back for me. Looking her in the eye, I nod. “Help me?”
“You got it! What are best friends for?” she smirks sending me off to the shower, letting me know she will finish up packing while she waits for me to get out.
About ten forty-five, I hear the front door open. I scramble to get into position in the doorway between his bathroom and bedroom, my heart racing as I replay Alice‘s advice to just be myself and to not be afraid to say what I want to say, and ask for what I want.
I decided, while I was in the shower, that I was going to seduce him tonight. I know he is waiting for me to be ready before laying it all on me, but what he doesn’t realize, is that I’ve been ready since the moment he asked me if he could join me for coffee. Now that I have gotten a taste of him, I cannot wait a minute longer to have him. I take a deep breath and try to calm my nerves as I hear his footsteps coming toward the door. As the doorknob turns I hit my mark, and channel my inner vixen…
Here goes nothing…
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